


I will catch you if you fall

by lloydsglasses



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coming Out, Gay Character, LGBTQ Character, Nonbinary Character, Other, Queer Themes, Rejection, Trans Character, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 18:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4447004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lloydsglasses/pseuds/lloydsglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin’s never been amazing at consoling people, considering that his go-to strategy is to make sympathetic noises while trying not to let the other person see how awkward he feels. And Dwalin once said that Thorin’s sympathetic noises made it sound more like he was growling, so it's no wonder that this strategy seems particularly ineffective.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will catch you if you fall

**Author's Note:**

> So I guess this is a sequel to [Whoever you’ll be when the sun rises,](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4305531) but you could probably read it as a stand-alone fic too tbh. I said I wasn’t going to think about writing any more for this ‘verse until I finished my other series, but honestly I just needed to write this.

They’re finishing off the remains of the New Year’s feast (and how there are still leftovers after two days, Thorin has no idea) when Thorin’s phone vibrates with a text message. He fishes it out of his pocket, smiling when he sees Bilbo’s name flashing up at him. Dís giggles from across the table.

“Wow, I’ve not seen you smile like that since you were going out with Andrew,” she smirks. “New boyfriend, then?”

Beside her, Frerin’s expression is rapidly transforming into one of glee. Thorin scowls at them both and decides it’s better to ignore their teasing in favour of thumbing into his inbox. The phone vibrates with another text as he opens up Bilbo’s messages folder.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins  
** **Received: 03 January, 06: 54pm**  
_I just came out to my father as trans_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins  
** **Received: 03 January, 06: 54pm**  
_I wasn’t planning to it just happened_

Thorin blinks. That’s really not what he was expecting. Their messages have mostly been light-hearted and silly over the holiday, but this is much more serious. From what he understands, Bilbo’s relationship with their father has been a bit strained in recent years; things apparently got more difficult after their mother died, at which point Bungo had become a little more obstinate and set in his ways.

“I feel quite sorry for him, really,” Bilbo had told Thorin. “He loved my mother more than anything, and she was a sort of calming influence. He’s much fussier than he used to be, and I think he finds it quite difficult to talk about emotions now that she’s not here to help him.”

So Thorin knows just how important this is. He knows that Bilbo has wanted to come out to their dad for a long time, but hasn’t known how best to do it or what Bungo’s reaction would be.

“Thorin, you know the rules.” His mother’s voice brings him back to the present. “No phones at the dinner table.”

He opens his mouth, ready to explain that _actually, this is quite important_ , when another text comes through.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 06: 55pm**  
_He thinks I’m making it up_

That’s… That’s not good.

“Err, sorry,” says Thorin, hastily pushing up from his chair. “I really need to take this.” Ignoring the bewildered stares that gets he heads out of the room, tapping out a quick response.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 06: 56pm**  
_Do you want me to call you?_

If he’s honest, he’d rather not; Thorin doesn’t really like talking on phones. He’ll probably be able to provide more comfort over text, since that gives him the time to think about his responses. He’s never been amazing at consoling people in the first place, considering that his go-to strategy is to make sympathetic noises while trying not to let the other person see how awkward he feels. And Dwalin once said that Thorin’s sympathetic noises made it sound more like he was growling, so it's no wonder that this strategy seems particularly ineffective.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 06: 57pm**  
_No, thin walls. He might hear_

Thorin sighs in relief, and then feels immediately guilty for it.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 06: 57pm**  
_Okay, that’s fine._

He’s reached his room now and he closes the door firmly, composing another text as he heads over to his bed.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 06: 58pm**  
_Do you want to tell me what happened?_

Bilbo doesn’t text back straight away and Thorin hurriedly starts typing _you don’t have to if you don’t want to_ but, before he can finish, his phone is vibrating with a rapid series of messages.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 06: 59pm**  
_There was an item about trans people on the news and we got into an argument about whether name and pronoun changes are retroactive_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 00pm**  
_And I said at one point something along the lines of ‘you need to be more conscious of language and gender and why people might feel uncomfortable being called their previous names’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 00pm**  
_And he basically said ‘I spend way more time thinking about gender than you do’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 01pm**  
_And I laughed in that way that happens when something’s not funny_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 01pm**  
_And then I just found myself saying ‘no I think about this all the time because I’m transgender’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 01pm**  
_And he was like ‘so you think you’re a bloke’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 01pm**  
_And I said ‘no I’m not a bloke or a woman, I don’t feel like either of those things’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 02pm**  
_And he said ‘so you’re not transgender’_

There’s a long pause after that. Thorin hesitates, wondering whether Bilbo has finished or if texting them would be like interrupting. He has no idea what he’s supposed to say to help Bilbo, because how on earth do you respond to something like that? Deciding that he could stand to be better equipped, Thorin drags his laptop closer and quickly googles _how to support a transgender partner_. He clicks on a handful of links while simultaneously trying to think of a reply for Bilbo when another, much longer text comes through.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 04pm**  
_And there was a long part where I tried to stay calm and explain nonbinary gender to him and he said all the stupid things like ‘they is only plural’ and ‘are you trying to tell me you’re a hermaphrodite’ (and HOW THE FUCK do people always ask me that) and I tried to tell him that it was about feelings and not logic and I really thought I was getting somewhere because he was saying stupid things but it seemed like he was listening too_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 05pm**  
_But then he just said ‘that’s not real you’re making it up’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 05pm**  
_And he kept saying things about how he thinks I live in a bubble where no one questions anybody’s opinions and we just go around in a circle and don’t know what the real world is like_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 06pm**  
_And I was like ‘no this is legitimately how people feel and how I feel’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 06pm**  
_And he said ‘no I think you’re just making this up’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 07pm**  
_So I stood up and said ‘it’s not about logic it’s about how people feel and I’ve just come out to you and you’re doing a really bad job of it’ and I went upstairs because I didn’t want him to see me cry but as I left I heard him say ‘no it’s just not real’_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 08pm**  
_and now i’m upstairs and he’s downstairs and I just don’t want to leave my room and just don’t know what’s even going to happen when I next have to talk to him_

There’s another pause, and Thorin decides that Bilbo has probably recounted everything. This is definitely the point where he’s supposed to say something comforting but Thorin ends up staring blankly at the phone for a moment, thumbs poised over the keypad. He really doesn’t have enough experience with this.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 09pm**  
_Bilbo I’m so sorry he reacted like that._

It feels insufficient, but Thorin has no idea what else he can say.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 09pm**  
_So am I_

Thorin curses his own inability to be more useful. He looks back at the open web pages on his laptop, skimming through the advice that tells him _it’s important to have open and honest conversations_ and _you need to listen carefully to your partner’s needs_. None of this is the kind of advice that Thorin wants. His phone vibrates again.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 09pm**  
_He just won’t listen_

Thorin changes tack, trying frantically to think how he’d want Bilbo to react if their situations were reversed. Two more texts from Bilbo come through as he types out something that he hopes might be helpful.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 10pm**  
_And he’s such a hypocrite_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 10pm**  
_Telling me I don’t question anyone’s opinions when he only has time for his own_

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 11pm**  
_Look, this is his mistake, not yours. It’s his own fault if he won’t accept you, or open his mind to the possibility that you’re something he’s never come across before._

Was that a bit harsh? Now he’s sent the text, Thorin’s started to think that maybe he’s only stating something that’s very obvious and not particularly comforting.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 11pm**  
_I know but it’s just. I know mother wouldn’t have minded_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 12pm**  
_I just really wish she were here_

Oh, Bilbo. Thorin wishes so desperately that he could help, wishes that he could see Bilbo in person and give them a hug. But he can’t, because he’s stuck on the wrong end of a phone with only useless words to offer.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 12pm**  
_If she were here she’d be able to talk him round. I don’t know how to make him understand_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 13pm**  
_It’s like he just doesn’t want to know and doesn’t care to listen_

Thorin needs to say something. He needs to say something now. It doesn’t matter how awkward he feels; this isn’t about him, it’s about Bilbo and right now Bilbo is hurting.

Honesty, Thorin thinks. Telling the truth has always been the most useful strategy where Bilbo is concerned.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 13pm**  
_I wish I was there to give you a hug. I’m so angry about how he’s making you feel._

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 14pm**  
_I know he’s your dad but, well, he’s also just one person. Even if he doesn’t accept you there are lots of other people who do and who love you for who you are._

He’s coming uncomfortably close to a truth that he’s not quite ready to say, but he carries on regardless.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 15pm**  
_Bofur accepts you and Ori accepts you (and even their bizarre families accept you). And I accept you and I will always accept you even if other people don’t. You are a wonderful and beautiful person just as you are and some day in the future your dad will regret that he didn’t accept that straight away._

Thorin’s cheeks feel a bit heated, even though there’s no one else there to witness what he’s saying. He recognises dimly that his mother said a similar sort of thing when the rugby team found out he was gay back in sixth form, so he must be doing something right.

Except after a moment Thorin realises Bilbo hasn’t responded. He tries a slightly different approach.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 17pm**  
_Maybe things will get easier once he’s had some time to think things through. Could you print off one of those Gendered Intelligence pamphlets for parents? That might help him take you more seriously._

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 17pm**  
_Or you could write him a letter explaining things in detail? Some people use that as a way of coming out…_

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 18pm**  
_I could help you write something? Though I think we both know you’re much better with words than me._

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 19pm**  
_…Bilbo?_

Bilbo has been silent for a very long time at this point, and Thorin is starting to panic that he’s said entirely the wrong things. He’s understandably relived when a text finally comes through.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 19pm**  
_Sorry, I’m still here_

It’s hard to know exactly what that implies. Thorin can’t tell if Bilbo means _I’m here and I’m just listening to you because it’s helping me feel a bit better_ or _I’m still here and I’m not replying because you’re making me feel worse._

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 20pm**  
_I miss you_

Thorin’s heart clenches. His phone buzzes again before he can write out a response.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 20pm**  
_I mean, ur just rlly tall and great u kno?_

It’s typical of Bilbo to follow something like _I miss you_ with a ridiculous statement that deflects attention away from the depth of feeling behind it. Thorin would think it entirely adorable if his heart didn’t feel like it were breaking a little.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 20pm**  
_Ringing endorsements._  
_I miss you too._

Thorin waits for a reply to that but one doesn’t seem to be forthcoming.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 21pm**  
_Only a week until uni again. Then we won’t have to miss each other because we can spend time together every day._

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 22pm**  
_Will there be cuddles?_

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 22pm**  
_Of course. And ice cream._

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 23pm**  
_This is why you’re my favourite :)_

That brings a broad grin to Thorin’s face. He probably looks like a soppy idiot.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 23pm**  
_We could spend time together now, too? Would you like to watch something with me? You get to pick._

Over the winter break the two of them have developed a habit of watching shows or films at the same time, using their phones to keep a stupid but entertaining commentary flowing between them. They’ve already managed to get through two whole series of The X-Files in this way; Thorin thinks he would almost feel proud of that, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s supposed to be revising.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 24pm**  
_Nineteenth century period dramas? I’m pretty sure Pride and Prejudice is on netflix_

Thorin inwardly groans. This is what he gets for letting Bilbo choose.

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 07: 24pm**  
_Okay, fine. But no one else can ever find out._

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 07: 24pm**  
_Hahaha, I make no promises. :P_

\--

They’re halfway through episode two when his mother knocks on the door, waiting for his grunted _come in_ before opening it.

“I reheated some of the leftovers, since you didn’t eat much and you didn’t seem to be coming down,” she says, proffering the bowl in her hand. Thorin gratefully takes it from her, his stomach growling; he hadn’t realised just how hungry he was.

“Thanks, mum.” He smiles at her.

“Yeah, well don’t make a habit out of it. What did you need to leave in such a hurry for, anyway?”

Thorin hesitates, wondering if it’s bad form to talk about this without Bilbo’s permission. “My, err… My friend came out to their dad and… he didn’t take it very well.”

His mother immediately looks sympathetic. “Oh dear. Did you call him?”

“No, we’ve been texting. I’ve managed to cheer them up a bit, I think.”

Hanna smiles one of her gentle smiles, reaching out to run a hand through his hair. “You’re a good boy, Thorin,” she says fondly.

Face heating, Thorin swats at her hand until she desists. He really is way past the age where that kind of thing is acceptable.

“So,” Hanna prompts, “was Dís on the money? Is this your boyfriend?”

Thorin rolls his eyes. “No,” he says shortly, because he’s still not ready to tell his family about Bilbo. It’s the truth anyway, just not in the way his mother thinks. There’s a brief silence after that, in which Thorin suddenly becomes aware that Hanna is staring at the laptop screen.

“…Is that Pride and Prejudice?”

Damn. He tries valiantly not to blush while a smirk unfolds on her face.

“It’s okay, I understand,” she gloats, swanning towards the door. “You’ve hit the teenage girl stage where Mr Darcy’s intense brooding and rugged good looks make your knees wobble.”

Thorin eventually manages to come up with a rejoinder. “You’re only helping to perpetuate gender stereotypes!” he calls after her. Bilbo would be proud of such a comeback, he thinks smugly, until he belatedly realises that the door is already closed and his mother is probably laughing at him from halfway down the stairs. He scowls back at his laptop where Bingley is staring besottedly at Jane, before glancing down at his phone.

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 08: 53pm**  
_I know Colin Firth’s Darcy is the one everyone raves about, but I always felt he wasn’t tall, dark and handsome enough. He needs… something. Idk what_

 **Message to: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Sent: 03 January, 06: 55pm**  
_A northern accent. Things are always better when they’re northern._

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 06: 56pm**  
_Just you wait until we watch North and South :D_

 **Message from: Bilbo Baggins**  
**Received: 03 January, 06: 56pm**  
_Also if you’re implying that Northern accents are inherently sexier I fully expect you to prove this to me when we next see each other ;)_

Thorin can feel himself blushing again; between Bilbo and his mother it’s entirely possible that his cheeks have got stuck that way. But he’s smiling too, because even if Thorin is embarrassed Bilbo is clearly feeling a lot less shitty than he was a couple of hours ago. He supposes this means that, despite all odds, he was able to provide some comfort for Bilbo after all, and that’s what really matters.

Folding himself down more comfortably in his bed, Thorin begins to dig into his food, focusing again on the laptop screen where Elizabeth is now on the receiving end of Mr Darcy’s admittedly intense glare. He suspects he’ll have some merciless teasing to deal with tomorrow if his mother tells Dís and Frerin what he’s been watching, but he can probably deal with that; he’s hardly a stranger to it by this point in his life. For now Thorin just lets Pride and Prejudice continue to play, his phone held securely in his free hand.

And as long as Bilbo wants to keep watching, Thorin is content to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit greatly appreciated? Like, I wasn’t sure how in character I managed to keep Thorin and Bilbo, and I really can't decide how I feel about the ending. I've never used text messages as a narrative style before either, so it'd be nice to know how that went.
> 
> Also northerlywind gets the credit for deciding that Richard Armitage is tall and great (in that order).
> 
> Come say hello on [tumblr.](http://lloydsglasses.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
